It's 3AM right now, and it's been a very long day for me.
I had a speech that I prepared crazily for, which added stress on top of stress. Lately, it feels like things just hate me now, job, friends, parents, girl, everything. Lately, I've felt hopeless and lost. I hate that feeling. I had this feeling back in 7th grade when my counselor actually diagnosed me with depression. I feel like I'm at a low.
I don't know what it may be, but most likely a compilation of everything that has just been thrown at my face in a matter of days. But to hit this low again is making me feel the days are getting longer. I feel I need a break from everything. School, WORK, life. I miss those days when I was 12, the care-free years. Care-free, all I worried about was getting home by my curfew and eating with my family. Eating and spending time with people I love. I should be enjoying my life more.. particularly these few years. But I feel the responsibility of being a college student. And I feel I must provide what I can to fulfill that idea.
I'm glad people can enjoy their lives the way they do, particularly students. I seem to budget fun and relaxation on one night of the week, and need rest for the others.
While I'm here posting stuff about how I see life, let me just dive into a bit of philosophy I've been cooking up. Thinking about how life is, how it may or may not be enjoyable, is all entirely based on our opinion on death. Inside all of us, we may have some sort of fear of death. I myself, I think about death not as a completely horrible thing, but something that shapes who I am, and justifies my actions in life. I feel a sense of neglect if I go out, disobey and disappoint my parents, drink and drive, don't do my homework. To me, life is not a circle, but a story that ends the same way, everytime. But why do I force myself to be a monk when I feel I don't enjoy my sense of accomplishments? I don't want to die unnoticed. I don't want to pass being a person who meant nothing, even though death and forgetting is inevitable. Life only snowballs responsibilities as we get older and I feel I should already take charge of what is tumbling towards me. So the real answer to the meaning of life, is really the answer to the meaning of death.
I'm scared of it, sure. But I guess I can relay my actions back to my philosophy.
This has got to me the most depressing fucking post I've ever concocted, shit.
Last words, I don't know when I'll see my boy Ray again, but I gotta say, it's been a fun run from french in high school bro. Pretty much adults now, we know how to take care of ourselves.
Until next time bro, be safe.
Distance. To be continued.
Well, as some of you might know, I will be going to Los Angeles for quite some time. I will be leaving this coming Sunday, as in March First at eight o clock in the Ay Em. Its been somewhat of a tough week for me because right after Battlefest, the only thing left on my agenda was going to L.A. and that isn't exactly easy. Going there was always planned, but like I said, Battlefest seriously took up all of my mental capacity. Anyways, L.A. is now a reality and it is coming up very soon.
I plan on writing a long and detailed blog as a pseudo goodbye to the Yay Area. It is not this post. I will either write it really early Sunday morning before I leave or as soon as I get internet access in L.A. It will be coming soon.
Following up on that note, I have been hearing that people actually read our blogspot. =0! Kinda crazy that people actually care...well maybe not care, but take some time to read some of the random blurbs that we have to offer. I just want to say thank you to our readers whoever you are(maybe if you left a comment in the chat box we'd know who) and that I am very flattered. I know that this blogspot has inconsistent entries, for example a post every day to a post every two weeks or so. I know, I get it. I just want to let everyone know that I am working on it. I know that when I am in L.A. I'll probably blog every chance I get. And I just want to encourage other members of the blogspot: Kevin, Addy, and Justin; to write more often.
Even though I said I wouldn't write a detailed and long blog just now, I still kinda did. Oh well. I got a lot to say, aight!? But for sure, my next one will be the one that comes from the heart, mind, and soul. Awww. I have work later today so I am going to catch some Z's.
P.S. I want to give a shout out to Kirstie Roa, she admitted to me that she randomly checks up on our blogspot so props to her! Yay! FTW!
I plan on writing a long and detailed blog as a pseudo goodbye to the Yay Area. It is not this post. I will either write it really early Sunday morning before I leave or as soon as I get internet access in L.A. It will be coming soon.
Following up on that note, I have been hearing that people actually read our blogspot. =0! Kinda crazy that people actually care...well maybe not care, but take some time to read some of the random blurbs that we have to offer. I just want to say thank you to our readers whoever you are(maybe if you left a comment in the chat box we'd know who) and that I am very flattered. I know that this blogspot has inconsistent entries, for example a post every day to a post every two weeks or so. I know, I get it. I just want to let everyone know that I am working on it. I know that when I am in L.A. I'll probably blog every chance I get. And I just want to encourage other members of the blogspot: Kevin, Addy, and Justin; to write more often.
Even though I said I wouldn't write a detailed and long blog just now, I still kinda did. Oh well. I got a lot to say, aight!? But for sure, my next one will be the one that comes from the heart, mind, and soul. Awww. I have work later today so I am going to catch some Z's.
P.S. I want to give a shout out to Kirstie Roa, she admitted to me that she randomly checks up on our blogspot so props to her! Yay! FTW!
100 Grand Candy Bar
This will probably the most insightful and biased post I will write. A lot has happened lately in the past month or so, relating to me and my friends. Where do I start? Well, first of all, I'd like to say what is wrong with girls? Why do girls do some things that are illogical and irrational that most smart, thinking human beings wouldn't do? I know that seems harsh, but I guess I can't blame them too much because that is what makes girls girls.
Now I know we all hear about the fallacies and depravity of guys when it comes to relationships, but guys should not be subject for all the blame that takes place in most forms of relationships. I'm not saying we are completely innocent because we aren't. Everyone makes mistakes, some more than others. I'm sure you all know the basic stereotypes of men; such as we're pigs, heartless, cold, selfish or clingy, weak, and helpless. Whatever the extreme may be, it doesn't stir well with most girls. Anyways, I'll get to the part of why I'm rambling about all this useless information.
Let me propose a situation that many men have gone through at some point of their lives. You meet a girl and it just so happens that she recently broke up with her long term boyfriend. You listen to her and talk for many hours where she finally says to you "I've never had anyone listen to me like this before." At that point, you start to develop feelings for her, even though you know that she had just gone through a break up, you can't help how you feel. Eventually, you and the girl admit each other's feelings toward each other. You don't want to, but you act on it and next thing you know you're in somewhat of a relationship with this girl. Everything is going great and you guys seem to really click. However, out of no where, her feelings for her ex-boyfriend return and she ends up trying to work things out with him for the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh time. Most of the time, the genuine guys that did nothing but treat the girl good can't help but feel disappointed at the girl's blindness to see what is better for her.
I don't understand why girls put themselves through trouble and misery for a relationship that becomes less likely to work every time they break up. I understand that a couple goes through a break up once or twice, even then it's hard to really fix things. But after three or four times? How many times does the world need to tell you that it won't work? And I always hear the same story, "He's changed, he's a different guy; it'll work this time, I know it." People don't change. Even if they do, it'd have to be years, not weeks. Old habits die hard. Girls do what they do because it is safe. They constantly go back to their comfort zone that they have been in for so long. I'm sure the first few weeks will be good and all seems well, but the longer it goes on, pressure builds. When a fragile and weak couple starts to get all that pressure, it isn't strong enough to hold it all.
It also amazes me when a girl knows what she is doing wrong, but doesn't do anything about it. That is the difference between girls and women. Girls never know what they want or they want everything. Women see what is good in front of them and are smart about they're decisions. Girls break hearts, but have the nerve to ask "What's wrong?" What do you think is wrong? Even if everyone in the world tells the girl what she is doing, she will never listen. But then again, that is part of the maturation process, they need to go through the hard way to truly learn. It's sort of like a paradox.
The last thing I want to say is for the guys that are going through or will go through this situation. I want to advise to stay away. Even if you believe that you are the right guy for the girl, it isn't the right time. I understand that you want to be there for the girl, and you can, but try not to get too attached. Lose now to win later. For girls, my advice to you is that when you finally break up with your boyfriend for good as in you've learned your lesson. Stay single. Be by yourself so you can learn to hold your own. Women use time alone for personal growth and that is what girls need. And when something good finally comes along you can recognize it and know what to do in such situations.
I'm sure many guys will agree with this post and some females will agree as well. I'm pretty certain that some will get annoyed and disagree. I'm writing this because I went through it and I've learned so much from it. I'm not saying that I know everything, but maybe reading this might put some thought into some people's minds. We all will get hurt and make mistakes, but its what we do after is what defines us. The most we can do is live and learn.
Now I know we all hear about the fallacies and depravity of guys when it comes to relationships, but guys should not be subject for all the blame that takes place in most forms of relationships. I'm not saying we are completely innocent because we aren't. Everyone makes mistakes, some more than others. I'm sure you all know the basic stereotypes of men; such as we're pigs, heartless, cold, selfish or clingy, weak, and helpless. Whatever the extreme may be, it doesn't stir well with most girls. Anyways, I'll get to the part of why I'm rambling about all this useless information.
Let me propose a situation that many men have gone through at some point of their lives. You meet a girl and it just so happens that she recently broke up with her long term boyfriend. You listen to her and talk for many hours where she finally says to you "I've never had anyone listen to me like this before." At that point, you start to develop feelings for her, even though you know that she had just gone through a break up, you can't help how you feel. Eventually, you and the girl admit each other's feelings toward each other. You don't want to, but you act on it and next thing you know you're in somewhat of a relationship with this girl. Everything is going great and you guys seem to really click. However, out of no where, her feelings for her ex-boyfriend return and she ends up trying to work things out with him for the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh time. Most of the time, the genuine guys that did nothing but treat the girl good can't help but feel disappointed at the girl's blindness to see what is better for her.
I don't understand why girls put themselves through trouble and misery for a relationship that becomes less likely to work every time they break up. I understand that a couple goes through a break up once or twice, even then it's hard to really fix things. But after three or four times? How many times does the world need to tell you that it won't work? And I always hear the same story, "He's changed, he's a different guy; it'll work this time, I know it." People don't change. Even if they do, it'd have to be years, not weeks. Old habits die hard. Girls do what they do because it is safe. They constantly go back to their comfort zone that they have been in for so long. I'm sure the first few weeks will be good and all seems well, but the longer it goes on, pressure builds. When a fragile and weak couple starts to get all that pressure, it isn't strong enough to hold it all.
It also amazes me when a girl knows what she is doing wrong, but doesn't do anything about it. That is the difference between girls and women. Girls never know what they want or they want everything. Women see what is good in front of them and are smart about they're decisions. Girls break hearts, but have the nerve to ask "What's wrong?" What do you think is wrong? Even if everyone in the world tells the girl what she is doing, she will never listen. But then again, that is part of the maturation process, they need to go through the hard way to truly learn. It's sort of like a paradox.
The last thing I want to say is for the guys that are going through or will go through this situation. I want to advise to stay away. Even if you believe that you are the right guy for the girl, it isn't the right time. I understand that you want to be there for the girl, and you can, but try not to get too attached. Lose now to win later. For girls, my advice to you is that when you finally break up with your boyfriend for good as in you've learned your lesson. Stay single. Be by yourself so you can learn to hold your own. Women use time alone for personal growth and that is what girls need. And when something good finally comes along you can recognize it and know what to do in such situations.
I'm sure many guys will agree with this post and some females will agree as well. I'm pretty certain that some will get annoyed and disagree. I'm writing this because I went through it and I've learned so much from it. I'm not saying that I know everything, but maybe reading this might put some thought into some people's minds. We all will get hurt and make mistakes, but its what we do after is what defines us. The most we can do is live and learn.
Video Marketplace
As much of you may know, I own an xbox 360. It's possibly the most loved possession of mine. Anyways, I just wanted to blog about how addicting and awesome a program that xbox live has available to purchase called Netflix.
Netflix isn't licensed by microsoft, but they are working together to offer movies and tv shows over xbox live. Lately, I've been staying up late because I've been coming home late because of Wrawsome practice. But, I've always found time to watch an episode or two of my favorite tv series, The Office and Numb3rs. Anyways, I think our beloved readers should look into it because it really is worth the $9.99 you pay a month.
How it works is you download the application and then you have to go to the Netflix website to look up movies and shows you want to download. The only downside is that the only movies and tv shows you can download are under "instant queue." Instant Queue means you can just add it to your list on xbl and you can just stream the video through your xbox. Movies that aren't instant queue are only available through mail, which they send to your house. So it isn't completely perfect, but they do release new movies and shows every week.
Anyways, I just wanted to share the wonders that netflix does over xbox live. If any of you own an xbox 360 and have an xbox live membership, hit up the netflix app and enjoy some shows INSTANTLY!!!!!!! FTW
Netflix isn't licensed by microsoft, but they are working together to offer movies and tv shows over xbox live. Lately, I've been staying up late because I've been coming home late because of Wrawsome practice. But, I've always found time to watch an episode or two of my favorite tv series, The Office and Numb3rs. Anyways, I think our beloved readers should look into it because it really is worth the $9.99 you pay a month.
How it works is you download the application and then you have to go to the Netflix website to look up movies and shows you want to download. The only downside is that the only movies and tv shows you can download are under "instant queue." Instant Queue means you can just add it to your list on xbl and you can just stream the video through your xbox. Movies that aren't instant queue are only available through mail, which they send to your house. So it isn't completely perfect, but they do release new movies and shows every week.
Anyways, I just wanted to share the wonders that netflix does over xbox live. If any of you own an xbox 360 and have an xbox live membership, hit up the netflix app and enjoy some shows INSTANTLY!!!!!!! FTW
Quiet boy out the box
Hi as you all know or now know i am Addy.I'm usually the quiet one in the group only loud around people i want to impress or because im having a good time with my close friends. But i'm trying to change that so i can speak my mind most of the time and not doubt myself so this is me trying to let everything out. To be honest at first i didn't know why i wanted leave a post, but since i am upset with my job and it is late night and i usually don't sleep till about 5 in the morning i'm going to give myself something to do. I'm not the type to usually talk about my life i mean i try but most of it doesn't get out. Most of my life i've tried to hold in all my anger, pain, worries, and problems. So it seems like now its all going to burst out (that's what she said). I usually try to talk about it but i've gotten nowhere because there is so much i want to get out and i don't know how to express it. It seems like everyday i'm troubled with a new problem but still overwhelmed with my old ones. I honestly try to push it away and try to be all tough about but at the end of the day its still there without any solution. There are days where i feel like i am a nuisance to some and invisible to others. Reason for this is i feel like im holding certain people back or unable to help. I'm not trying to be a downer but it seems everywhere i look there is a problem. I think being a procrastinator caught up to me all these years. Ive taken many advices about how to deal with certain scenarios but it seems not to work for me. Advices like to ignore it, or try to put myself in myself in someone else's perspective and yet i still end up with nothing. I think the best remedy so far is getting my self lost in shows like Heroes or The Office or even playing games. But mainly watching show gets my mind off of everything. Still i need to face my problems, maybe one at a time and i might just post about it just because this seems to help my mind settle down from the craziness it goes through.
Well lets start with my job since i am upset that they did me wrong. Today i went to check my next week schedule guessing that it was going to be the same as this week since they cut my hours i find out that i am hosting 2 nights and one happens to be Valentines Day. O yea i forgot to tell you that i am a server a the great Pasta Pomodoro. Well anyways hosting does not make me enough money to pay bills and have luxury whereas serving almost does. Well i was really hoping to serve on valentines day's evening just because i never had the experience of doing so before and plus i was hoping since its valentines day i was gonna make more money. But now i can't because my manager thinks i am a better host which is probably true but i told her i would only do it if i got a raise and im pretty sure i didnt get a raise. I mean hosting is not that hard honestly but serving just gets you more money in your pocket. But this is not the first time Pasta P has strike below the belts i had many other occasion before but i am not going to get into it. I guess im just getting tired of going back and forth with losing hours then gaining hours for one week then going back to 2-3 days a week. Honestly i'm the back-up server pretty much they only need me if no one else can cover the shifts. I use to not care and just take what i can get but now its getting to its last straw and im ready to quit, not sure when but im pretty sure if i find a new job or go into the medical field (which ill post about later if it happens) or it could be this month. I may not be the the greatest employee but i still did favors for them and if im going unappreciated then its cool im starting to feel like i belong somewhere else anyways. I didn't know where i was really going with that story but it felt good just getting it out (thats what she and he said haha).
Well i think i am done for now getting a bit drained (not gonna say it this time haha) thank you to those who read all the way down here, suck on my balls if you dont like my post or just how i typed it up i am not an english professor im just a college 2x dropout but going back again soon haha. But really though wish me luck on my job hunt for something with less customer service and more gratitude and more pay.
Well lets start with my job since i am upset that they did me wrong. Today i went to check my next week schedule guessing that it was going to be the same as this week since they cut my hours i find out that i am hosting 2 nights and one happens to be Valentines Day. O yea i forgot to tell you that i am a server a the great Pasta Pomodoro. Well anyways hosting does not make me enough money to pay bills and have luxury whereas serving almost does. Well i was really hoping to serve on valentines day's evening just because i never had the experience of doing so before and plus i was hoping since its valentines day i was gonna make more money. But now i can't because my manager thinks i am a better host which is probably true but i told her i would only do it if i got a raise and im pretty sure i didnt get a raise. I mean hosting is not that hard honestly but serving just gets you more money in your pocket. But this is not the first time Pasta P has strike below the belts i had many other occasion before but i am not going to get into it. I guess im just getting tired of going back and forth with losing hours then gaining hours for one week then going back to 2-3 days a week. Honestly i'm the back-up server pretty much they only need me if no one else can cover the shifts. I use to not care and just take what i can get but now its getting to its last straw and im ready to quit, not sure when but im pretty sure if i find a new job or go into the medical field (which ill post about later if it happens) or it could be this month. I may not be the the greatest employee but i still did favors for them and if im going unappreciated then its cool im starting to feel like i belong somewhere else anyways. I didn't know where i was really going with that story but it felt good just getting it out (thats what she and he said haha).
Well i think i am done for now getting a bit drained (not gonna say it this time haha) thank you to those who read all the way down here, suck on my balls if you dont like my post or just how i typed it up i am not an english professor im just a college 2x dropout but going back again soon haha. But really though wish me luck on my job hunt for something with less customer service and more gratitude and more pay.
Goodbye.
This is for the times we laughed and cried together. This is for the times we smiled and screamed at each other. This is for the kisses and hugs that we shared. This is for the last time we see each other as lovers. This is the first time I've accepted decision that neither of us made.
We once said that if all other circumstances were put aside, we'd be happy together. I don't know if I believed that or I will believe that, but I know that at some point we proved it to each other. Maybe it was just foolish infatuation that we had or maybe it was a true connection between two individuals; whatever the case may be, I know my feelings were not false. Never was I forced to do something because of a title, commitment, duty, or blind loyalty. It was an action that came from the heart and nothing less.
A small part of me wishes we could be together, but a bigger part of me believes we are better separated. Only time can heal us now. We always say that everything happens for a reason, but know that reasons do not come from thin air, they come from people like you and me. So if we think we could work out, then it should be for the right reason.
This is when I say goodbye.
We once said that if all other circumstances were put aside, we'd be happy together. I don't know if I believed that or I will believe that, but I know that at some point we proved it to each other. Maybe it was just foolish infatuation that we had or maybe it was a true connection between two individuals; whatever the case may be, I know my feelings were not false. Never was I forced to do something because of a title, commitment, duty, or blind loyalty. It was an action that came from the heart and nothing less.
A small part of me wishes we could be together, but a bigger part of me believes we are better separated. Only time can heal us now. We always say that everything happens for a reason, but know that reasons do not come from thin air, they come from people like you and me. So if we think we could work out, then it should be for the right reason.
This is when I say goodbye.