Quiet boy out the box

Hi as you all know or now know i am Addy.I'm usually the quiet one in the group only loud around people i want to impress or because im having a good time with my close friends. But i'm trying to change that so i can speak my mind most of the time and not doubt myself so this is me trying to let everything out. To be honest at first i didn't know why i wanted leave a post, but since i am upset with my job and it is late night and i usually don't sleep till about 5 in the morning i'm going to give myself something to do. I'm not the type to usually talk about my life i mean i try but most of it doesn't get out. Most of my life i've tried to hold in all my anger, pain, worries, and problems. So it seems like now its all going to burst out (that's what she said). I usually try to talk about it but i've gotten nowhere because there is so much i want to get out and i don't know how to express it. It seems like everyday i'm troubled with a new problem but still overwhelmed with my old ones. I honestly try to push it away and try to be all tough about but at the end of the day its still there without any solution. There are days where i feel like i am a nuisance to some and invisible to others. Reason for this is i feel like im holding certain people back or unable to help. I'm not trying to be a downer but it seems everywhere i look there is a problem. I think being a procrastinator caught up to me all these years. Ive taken many advices about how to deal with certain scenarios but it seems not to work for me. Advices like to ignore it, or try to put myself in myself in someone else's perspective and yet i still end up with nothing. I think the best remedy so far is getting my self lost in shows like Heroes or The Office or even playing games. But mainly watching show gets my mind off of everything. Still i need to face my problems, maybe one at a time and i might just post about it just because this seems to help my mind settle down from the craziness it goes through.

Well lets start with my job since i am upset that they did me wrong. Today i went to check my next week schedule guessing that it was going to be the same as this week since they cut my hours i find out that i am hosting 2 nights and one happens to be Valentines Day. O yea i forgot to tell you that i am a server a the great Pasta Pomodoro. Well anyways hosting does not make me enough money to pay bills and have luxury whereas serving almost does. Well i was really hoping to serve on valentines day's evening just because i never had the experience of doing so before and plus i was hoping since its valentines day i was gonna make more money. But now i can't because my manager thinks i am a better host which is probably true but i told her i would only do it if i got a raise and im pretty sure i didnt get a raise. I mean hosting is not that hard honestly but serving just gets you more money in your pocket. But this is not the first time Pasta P has strike below the belts i had many other occasion before but i am not going to get into it. I guess im just getting tired of going back and forth with losing hours then gaining hours for one week then going back to 2-3 days a week. Honestly i'm the back-up server pretty much they only need me if no one else can cover the shifts. I use to not care and just take what i can get but now its getting to its last straw and im ready to quit, not sure when but im pretty sure if i find a new job or go into the medical field (which ill post about later if it happens) or it could be this month. I may not be the the greatest employee but i still did favors for them and if im going unappreciated then its cool im starting to feel like i belong somewhere else anyways. I didn't know where i was really going with that story but it felt good just getting it out (thats what she and he said haha).

Well i think i am done for now getting a bit drained (not gonna say it this time haha) thank you to those who read all the way down here, suck on my balls if you dont like my post or just how i typed it up i am not an english professor im just a college 2x dropout but going back again soon haha. But really though wish me luck on my job hunt for something with less customer service and more gratitude and more pay.