Tonight.

Tonight, I lost a close friend.
Normally, I wouldn't post about this sort of stuff, but it's really important to me. And I wouldn't post this if I wasn't sure about this. I never had such a deep reflective look on my life before. I always thought I knew what I was talking about or what I was doing, but I guess I didn't. I can say that the greatest and worst thing for me was that I made a mistake. Worst because I lost someone. Greatest because I learned something. I learned that I am not above anyone. I am human and I make mistakes. I learned to move on and live life. I never thought it would come to this, but it did. My failure to be smart about things led to my demise. I made her feel bad about a lot of things and influenced her when it was none of my business. I only tried to help because I cared so much. Regardless, what happened happened and there is no excuse.
I am going to say I will truly miss her. Not because of the relationship we had or the things we did, but the feeling I had when I was around her. I don't know what it was, but it was a connection. I always looked at it for the very moment it was there. It was about the now for me and not the later. Which is exactly why I must move on. The "now" is that she's gone. I don't care what anybody says, I'm hurt because I lost a friend.
We can no longer be close because of certain stipulations. I was once the man that she could talk to about anything, the one she could cry to, yell at, and just be that someone that listens, but no more. I could tell her anything and she would listen, but no more. It's a sad thing to see happen, but it happens. I only wish that it is still there in the future, but like I said, I don't look into the later, I'm looking into the now on this.
I just want to say I'm sorry. Sorry for any hurt I put you through. Sorry for any anger that I caused you. Sorry for being in your life at a time where I shouldn't have been. Would I change anything? No. Hate me all you want. My feelings remain. I'm not asking for any sympathy or empathy. I just want to express myself. The only thing I'm worried about is myself. What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger right? I live my life for the life I live. Goodbye, Ness.